Category Archives: Uncategorized

Rainy season

A warm wet breeze in the height of the rainy season blows across my face as I walk along the center of an unilluminated back road with my arms stretched out. It’s an overarchingly rainy and gray weekend, pierced with moments of undeniable clarity in the midst of the night. The moon is smudged into the sky like a golden fingerprint carelessly left by God. The sound of thirsty grass blowing in the wind calls for more showers like a rain stick might. The buzz of power lines tickles the back of my brain. The running water in the gutters gurgles and cools my senses as if they might have overheated. The calling voices of the frogs in the rice paddies reminds me how easily I could be covered in mud.

The damn breaks open. I allow myself to speak out loud. I allow myself to become wise and knowing. I allow myself to be that person who pours a cup of tea for the nth stranger who has just burst into tears on my couch and pats their back. I allow myself to be not only the person who listens, but who offers a firm and guiding hand.







Protected: In reguards to physical condition 体調について

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Notes on a Winter’s evening


It’s 0 degrees and snowing in the year 2015. I crack open the cold beer that I was going to drink last night.

Because the week was long, and the snow fall heavy, I passed out before I ever got to drink. Worried about the trains, I cancelled my usual plans for the evening. Exhausted from a week’s work I feel asleep before I even finished dinner. The truth is that I had a lot that I wanted to write about.

Maybe writing makes me tired.


It’s 2008. I am in my yurt, in the foothills of the Cascade Mountains. I have set gnocchi to boil on the single electric burner I call a stove. In the silence of the snow, the engine of his truck grinds to a halt. He walks through the door and plops down on my futon praying aloud, “Please let her finish cooking before the power goes out.” I drain the steaming water, and an instant later the telltale click occurs in tandem with my space heater and table lamp shutting off.

“Thank you,” he says.

Two feet of snow blanketed the roof that night.


In the morning, the ring of an axe and the crack of splitting wood resound through the air as I approach my friend’s house. I’m (probably) wearing my snow boots, a fleece skirt, and army fatigues over a buckskin bra. They live a short walk down the trail from me, and they have a real wood stove which they were running at full blast to melt down snow for hot tea and drinking water.

I didn’t mind the cold back then…I loved being able to stop by a friend’s unannounced.


It’s 2012. And the power is out in Olympia Washington. I sit in my friend the Coyote’s den as it fills up with smoke from the fire place. Outside someone under the guise of a wise man is cooking a hearty meal on the charcoal grill. Inside is filled with cackles of laughter as we fill a scrabble board with made up words. It seems that few here go by their legal name.


It’s 2013 and I am contemplating the pursuit of a certain peak in Utah. The last person I saw was a black bear, and the snow is up to my shins on the main trail. I sit recessed into a clearing, heating up dinner and drying out my shoes. The sun sets, and the night is growing colder. Several deer visit me, but I drive them away. Eventually I decide that my fully lofted down sleeping bag is not warm enough, and that no, I’m not really prepared to be in bear country. I roll up camp and hike down the mountain underneath the cover of starlight.



It’s 2015, January. The wind outside is wicked, and my fingers are bright red from the cold despite the fact that my heater is on. I am out of beer, and ready to fall asleep.




One of the major reasons why I do not converse much in Japanese is because, I dislike misunderstandings. If you look at the numbers, you can understand why I can’t do conversation.

In my current situation, when I am reading I understand about 3,200 words. However, that does not mean I have perfect understanding when conversing. Furthermore, daily conversation requires about 5,000 words. When I’m participating in daily conversation, I have to guess at least 15% of the material! The active vocabulary of an average college graduate is about 10,000 words (31%). This kind of margin for error is gigantic!

That said, a little bit after 8am this morning, someone with whom I had just become acquainted wanted to talk about my opinions on international politics in a room with a number of reporters. YEAH RIGHT. I’ll take a rain check on that one.





The employment history you’re not supposed to talk about

In the depths of my 2012 unemployment, I made a mathematical prediction that I would not find employment with a company for another 27.7 weeks. I just decided to fact check it!

7 weeks after that statement, I took on work as an independent contractor analyzing search results from the end-user’s experience according to a rigorous set of parameters. The work was very interesting, but sparse and stressful with it’s time restrictions. It sometimes involved me watching countless editions of “Gagangnam Style,” and “The Harlem Shake,” while fighting with my room mates for bandwidth. I continued searching for a better job. Eventually, I cracked and applied somewhere I absolutely knew would hire me. (Jesus called me for an interview less than 24 hours after I submitted my resume.)

I began my first day of work for a brick and mortar company (which operated under an aegis or two) after ~20 weeks. I promptly exited that company 6 weeks later due to personal reasons. Two weeks after that, two incredibly fitting, (but low paying jobs) practically fell into my lap less than 24 hours apart and I had to sit down with a spread sheet and cost out the potential educational and earning benefits between the two jobs at the 28 week mark.

My employment prediction would not be inaccurate, if I adjusted it to say, that I would find a job that I was somewhat satisfied with in roughly 27.7 weeks, rather than that I would just find a company that would hire me.

A visit to the book store

I was in the book store today, and I really started looking for a book I might be able to read…

I saw one that seemed to be labeled as a part of Japan’s zero tolerance for bullying campaign. Thinking that was relevant to my work as a teacher I picked it up…I was surprised at how well I could understand the story through the first few pages. It was about a 15 year old girl who had dreams to be a scuba diver, and have a nice family of her own. Of course aspiring to have a home and husband is either pervasive (or for some weird reason one of the few topics I can understand, hence pervasive) in literature targeted at females in Japan. It was written for young adults. Then I decide to translate the title (which I could not read before opening the book) and it was something to the effect of, “My Suicide Note.”

I instantly didn’t want that sort of book to be the first full length work that I purchased. I put it down and walked away.