I have been a bit confused, disgruntled, out of place, unsure of how to communicate. Finding a resistance to writing, with the excuse that when I type- the space key on my auxiliary keyboard often gets lost and I have to go back and insert spaces between words that I write as they blur together. Finding the excuse that I spilled a mug of ginger tea on my keyboard, and so all the vowels refuse to appear when I type on my laptop. There is the idea that really I need to be outside of my room when I choose to go on a writing binge. Excuses.
The creation of art has been on hold since the winter frosted out the thorns of poetry’s Himalayan blackberries. But with the spring thaw, I’ve gotten to negotiate. The last days of winter had done everything it could to drown me in a puddle of mud, but I’ve managed to stand up again despite exhaustion. As my strength grows, I add new activities. Wake up and immediately get outside for a fitness walk/jog, get to work, and then painting as if that were my job as well. This required a leap of faith on my part, a gut response to an odd dream after weeks of nightmares. The cold and the rain feel amazing now, and I’ve witnessed more rainbows in the past week than I thought possible.
I’m excited to be stepping in to the company of the creative & depthy individuals who inspire me. I have goals and dreams I’ve been ignoring, and now it’s time to come out of the long winter rest.
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
-Invictus, William Ernest Henley